you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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