Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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