dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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