had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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