I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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