Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
