fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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