Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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