well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
