you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
