I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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