If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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