you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
