Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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