Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
