Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My bed smells like the plague
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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