This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
