Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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