what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Come see our sink grown plant.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
