Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm both gender and math confused
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
