Nicole vs. Life
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
