i always forget guys have bellybuttons
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
