I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
