yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
