I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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