its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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