So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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