i barfeds in our rink
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
