i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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