hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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