On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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