you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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