did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
