The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
