Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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