And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
