There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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