hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
