onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
