I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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