I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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