she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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