Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
