I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
