best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
