Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
