you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
