it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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