She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
