is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
