i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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