So drunk its hurt
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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