i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
