I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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