I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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