I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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