My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize