omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize