Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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