He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
