I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
