It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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