When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
