Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
