she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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