glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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