You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
