Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
