Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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