Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
