Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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