my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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