Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
