I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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