No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
