I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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