I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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