You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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