Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
