We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
