he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
